A community of wellbeing
Karen Mahar - Assistant Principal, Deputy Head of Junior School
An overriding priority in our Junior School has been to establish a wellbeing program that seeks to contribute to the process of building a community of balanced, respectful individuals: a community where all members can manage personal change, live with uncertainty, and lead richer, more meaningful lives as a consequence.
Central to this educational process is instilling in our students a deeper appreciation of the importance of respecting ourselves and demonstrating respect for others.
Our wellbeing program provides a framework for explicit teaching, in age-appropriate ways, of a range of skills essential to personal development. Topics include:
- friendship skills and emotional regulation
- anti-bullying and cybersafe behaviour
- sleep and nutrition
- character strengths.
Positive relationships help us build and develop trust, learn compassion, and achieve a sense of belonging in the process.
Lena Aburdene Derhally wrote in The Washington Post, “Friendship is often underrated, considering the tremendous impact it has on our wellbeing.” In other words, friendships can easily be taken for granted, and relationships can be the cornerstone of leading a richer, more meaningful life.
The Dalai Lama has observed: "As we teach children to observe physical hygiene for its health benefits, we need to teach them to cultivate emotional hygiene, to tackle destructive emotions and find peace of mind. " For children and adolescents, making friends can be a vital part of growing up, and an essential part of their social and emotional development. Attributes such as social competence, altruism, self-esteem, and self-confidence have all been found to be linked to having friends. Studies have found that friendships enable children to learn more about themselves and develop their own identity. And, as children mature, friends can help reduce stress and help navigate challenging developmental experiences, especially during teenage years.
In addition to the social and emotional benefits of friendship, friends can positively influence our health. It is not always easy, however, for children to know how to manage friendships. Learning how to make new friends and maintain friendships involves a number of skills that young children need to learn and develop over time. For some children these skills come naturally - easily moving to and from friendship groups, sharing their experiences and opening up to new people. For others, the world of friendships can be much harder to navigate. Harmonious friendships often take practice.
Our Junior School staff have been exploring the URStrong friendship program. The program empowers children with the skills, language, and self-confidence to be better friends and develop healthier relationships. URStrong’s focus on “bullying prevention” has improved the social climate in schools globally, teaching children a common language for confidently managing conflict and creating a culture of mutual respect and kindness.
Friendology aims to inspire kids to feel empowered, develop a strong sense of self, and to love themselves while, at the same time, learning to manage and develop meaningful friendships. A central element of the Friendology program is the “4 facts of friendship”:
- no friendship is perfect
- every friendship is different
- trust and respect are the two most important qualities of a friendship
- friendships change and that’s ok.
A big part of the URSTRONG programming is teaching children how to resolve conflict by respectfully putting out “friendship fires”. This is where they learn to listen and truly try to understand their friend’s perspective on a point of difference, strengthening their ability to empathize with others and understand that everyone is different, and their perspective can also be different on the same matter. The concept of “Mean-on-Purpose” can be introduced. The word “bullying” is specifically avoided. “Bullying” can be a confusing term for children who lack clarity about the meaning and potential misuse of the term. Therefore, the URSTRONG programming classifies conflict into two categories: Friendship Fires (normal conflict) and Mean-on-Purpose behaviour.
Like many things in life, it’s often through conflict and times of challenge that things strengthen.
Jordan Peterson suggests “Happiness is achieved when character is built confronting challenges.” Friendships are no different. Relationships which can successfully navigate conflict and accept differing opinions with mutual respect and empathy are often the strongest, most resilient, and most lasting.
We have also come to appreciate the value to an individual in feeling respected, and the inherent need for them to respect others, to achieve this outcome. Accordingly, we encourage and teach students to respect, in order to be respected.
Demonstrating respect for the opinions and interests of others includes listening more to the opinions, views, and ideas of others; asking questions to seek understanding and attain potential for resolution; displaying empathy for the circumstances of other people and seeking to be non-judgemental of any situation.
References:
https://urstrong.com/
https://urstrong.com/language-of-friendship-intro/
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2016/07/25/the-importance-of-childhood-friendships-and-how-to-nurture-them/
https://twitter.com/dalailama/status/1330806237542301696?lang=en
https://www.jordanbpeterson.com/12-rules-for-life/